Saturday, June 20, 2009

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

What a horrible thing to do

Just a few days ago, a beautiful two year old girl was murdered in the town I work in. Reading about it and knowing people connected to the event has been rather traumatic for me, but nothing compares to the horror I felt today. I drive past the house where the child lived on my way to and from work.Today, as I involuntarily looked at the house yet again, I saw that people had put flowers and toys all over the porch. I thought this to be a touching tribute to a life lost too soon. Then my eyes locked upon one of the most disturbing things I've seen in along time. Someone had taken a very realistic skeleton and put a little frilly dress on it, and then propped it up against the door. This is about the most twisted thing I can imagine, and I can't help but wonder what on earth this person was thinking. I wanted to vomit, it was so disturbing to me. Did it only have that effect because of Bethanie? I don't really know, but I imagine anyone would find it just sickening.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Sorry I'm not here more often

I didn't realize when I started this just how hard it would be. I thought that after 10 years I would find it easier to talk about Bethanie's murder; I was wrong. It was, and remains, the most difficult thing I've ever been through, and it is really no easier today than 10 years ago. I have just gotten better at stuffing my reactions into the corner of my psyche, where no one but those I choose can see. It seems so odd that every time I read about another child being murdered I relive everything again. A man told me about his young son's accidental death the other day, about his reaction when he got the news, and it immediately took me back to that harrowing moment when I got the call about Bethanie. That moment when sound started to dissipate around me and I felt like I was being pulled into some kind of spinning vortex, when my legs gave out and I sat on the floor, wailing at what I'd just been told; begging God to make it not so. It brought back the memory of looking at the fluffy clouds and sunny skies and feeling that it was all wrong. It couldn't be this nice outside, a child had just been murdered. I waited for dark clouds, thunderous claps and the end of the world, but it never came. The sun still shone brightly and the only world that ended that day was Bethanie's.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Another one...when will it stop?

Another child was murdered today, and it has brought up all the memories and pain of losing Bethanie. I just don't understand what kind of monster does something like this.