Tuesday, May 5, 2009

It's almost here

It will soon be July 13th again. Every year, as soon as the weather starts to warm up, July starts to stalk me with evil talons, reminding me with little snippets of pain of that horrible summer in 1999. In May, I signed the closing papers on a new house; a house I planned to bring her to so she could play in the huge yard. Never to be...In June, I moved into the house, and picked out a spot for the sandbox and swing set. Never to be...Many of my moving boxes sat unpacked due to an illness in the family that took up a great deal of my time. July came, and the boxes remained unpacked. When that evil day came, the boxes were forgotten. Months later, they still sat unpacked. Thanksgiving brought us Jeff's conviction for murder along with an empty seat at the table. The boxes remained. Christmas brought us Megan's conviction for child endangerment and fewer gifts under the tree. The boxes remained. I slowly returned to work, friends, and whole days that I didn't cry, but the boxes remained. To unpack them was to go back to a normal life, which was impossible. It took almost two years, but finally the boxes were unpacked and items put away. New boxes took their place. Boxes with her toys in them. A box with the blanket they wrapped her lifeless body in. A lock of her hair snipped by a wonderful nurse at the hospital that night. A dress I bought her but she never got to wear. Those boxes will remain forever, just like the memory of that awful summer.

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