Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I've made a tough decision...

When Bethanie was murdered, I kept a journal. I don't really know why I kept it, I just did. I don't know if I used it as a daily catharsis, or maybe I wanted to be able to hold people accountable later on. To this day I am not sure why I did it. I guess it doesn't really matter. What I have decided is to start at the beginning of the journal and share it on here. No one has ever read it. I haven't read it for years. It sits on my bookshelf, always the first thing I see when I look at the rows of books on the shelf. It is small and gray, yet it jumps out at me every time I pass by it. For some unknown reason, I feel like it is time to dust off that little book and open it for the first time in years. Part of me fears it; I fear that reading it will be like pouring salt in old wounds. I fear that my barely contained anger and pain will once again bubble to the surface after I have worked so hard to contain it. I fear that this is what I have needed to do all along. For good or bad, tomorrow I will post the first entry.

1 comment:

  1. They had names and faces once. Now they have coroner's numbers.
    Social workers call them their "worst outcomes".
    Those children's voices call out from small graves to those who truly care about child welfare.

    Learn more about them.....Read their stories.
    Children Who Didn't Have to Die - Website http://suncanaa.com/

    Is there someone to speak for children so that their unfinished lives do not slip silently away?
    If hundreds and hundreds of predictably and preventably dead children is not enough to inspire action, what is? If you choose not to act, who will? If not now, when?


Thank you!