September 11, 1999

There is so much pressure from everywhere. We are supposed to provide Chelsea with all sorts of things, while they continue to take $280 a month from Marks check. I need to be at work, I need to take care of Chelsea. Once again, my life has been changed forever, and with the exception of having Chelsea, I don't like it much anymore. I just hope that I can somehow learn to adjust. I guess I'll need to adjust to always just boiling under the surface, and to always being afraid that we will lose Chelsea, too. We were forced by the court to send her with Christy and Charles for an overnight visit. I know it was irrational, but I was so afraid that she'd never be back. How horrible will it be when we have to let her go with Megan? I hope that's a long time off.